Coping and support when you have vaginal cancer

Coping with cancer can be difficult.  Help and support are available. There are things you can do and people who can help you cope with a diagnosis of vaginal cancer.

Your feelings

You might have a number of different feelings when you're told you have cancer.

You may feel a range of powerful emotions at first such as feeling shocked, upset and find it difficult to take in anything else that is being said to you. Other emotions include feeling:

• numb
• frightened and uncertain
• confused
• angry and resentful
• guilty
• sad

You may have some or all of these feelings. Or you might feel totally different. You may feel them a few at a time or altogether, leaving you feeling exhausted.

Everyone reacts in their own way. Sometimes it's hard to take in the fact that you have cancer at all. You need to do what’s right for you to help you cope.

Helping yourself

You may be more able to cope and make decisions if you have information about your type of cancer and its treatment. Information helps you to know what to expect.

Taking in information can be difficult, especially when you have just been diagnosed or given news about your outlook. Make a list of questions before you see your doctor. Take someone with you to remind you what you want to ask. They can also help you to remember the information that was given. Getting a lot of new information can feel overwhelming.

Ask your doctors and nurse specialists to explain things again if you need them to.

You might feel that you don’t want to know much information straight away. Tell your doctor or nurse. You will always be able to ask for more information when you feel ready.

Remember that you don’t have to sort everything out at once. It might take some time to deal with each issue. Ask for help if you need it.

You can also do practical things such as:

• making lists to help you
• having a calendar with all appointments
• having goals
• planning enjoyable things around weeks that might be emotionally difficult for you

Talking to other people

Talking to your friends and relatives about your cancer can help and support you. But some people are scared of the emotions this could bring up and won’t want to talk. They might worry that you won't be able to cope with your situation or be afraid they will say the wrong thing.

It can strain relationships if your family or friends don't want to talk. But talking can help increase trust and support between you and them.

Help your family and friends by letting them know if you would like to talk about what’s happening and how you feel.

You might find it easier to talk to someone outside your own friends and family.

Your specialist nurse can help you if you’re finding it difficult to cope or if you have any problems. They can get you the help you need. They can also give you information.

Coping physically and emotionally

Vaginal cancer and its treatment are likely to cause some physical problems. These might affect the way you feel about yourself. It may also affect the way you relate to other people, especially close family and friends.

Tiredness

Tiredness (fatigue) and lethargy can be a problem during and after cancer treatment. Resting but also doing some gentle physical activity can help. Fatigue can also be an issue with advanced cancer.

Having your womb removed (hysterectomy)

You might have your womb removed as part of your treatment for vaginal cancer. You may feel a sense of loss or find that the operation makes you feel less feminine. It may take you time to get over these feelings. You might find it helpful to talk things through with your specialist nurse or close family and friends.

Loss of fertility 

Removing your womb means that you will no longer be able to get pregnant. If you wanted to have a child, a hysterectomy can be very difficult to cope with.

Even if you were not planning to have any children in the future, the loss of your fertility can be quite a shock.

It is the end of a particular phase of your life. You'll have all the feelings that come with a natural change of life, as well as having to cope with a diagnosis of cancer.

Early menopause

Some women with vaginal cancer have their ovaries removed as part of the operation to remove the cancer. In younger women, this brings on an early menopause . Symptoms include hot flushes and sweats. Your nurse will talk to you about how to cope with these symptoms.

Your relationships and sex life

The physical changes you have can affect your relationships and sex life. There are things you can do to manage this.

Coping practically and financially

You and your family might need to cope with practical things including:

• money matters
• financial support, such as benefits, sick pay and grants
• work issues
• childcare
• Blue Badge applications
• help with travel costs
• changes to your house

Talk to your doctor or specialist nurse to find out who can help.  You might be able to get some benefits for yourself and the person caring for you. You might also be able to get grants for heating costs, holidays and other household expenses related to your illness.

Getting help early with these things can mean that they don’t become a big issue later. It may be helpful to see a social worker. Many hospital cancer departments have a social worker available for patients.

Support at home for you and your family

You might need some care and support at home due to vaginal cancer or its treatment. Lots of practical and emotional support is available.

GP and nursing support

Your GP manages your healthcare when you are at home. They can help with any medical problems that come up. They can also make referrals to a community service for you. The availability of the different community services may vary, depending on where you live.

Community or district nurses

These nurses work in different places in your local area and may visit you in your home. They can:

• give medicines or injections

• check temperature, blood pressure and breathing

• clean and dress wounds

• monitor or set up drips

• give emotional support

• teach basic caring skills to family members where needed

• get special equipment such as hospital beds, special mattresses, commodes or bed pans

Community services vary from area to area. Your hospital specialist nurse can tell you what is locally available to you.

Community specialist palliative care nurses

Community specialist palliative care nurses include Macmillan nurses and hospice nurses. They specialise in symptom management such as pain control, sickness, and other cancer symptoms. They also give emotional support to you and your carers.

Marie Curie nurses

Marie Curie nurses give nursing care to people with advanced cancer in their own homes. They can visit during the day or spend the night in your home to give your carers a break.

Social workers

Social workers can help to support you with your situation at home. They can arrange:

• home helps to help with shopping or housework
• home care assistants for washing and dressing
• meals on wheels
• respite care

Your social worker can also help with money matters by checking you get all the benefits you are entitled to. Or they can advise you about charity grants for things like extra heating costs or special diets.

Contact a social worker yourself by getting in touch with your local social services office. Or ask your hospital nurse or your GP to refer you.

Counselling

It can be very difficult coping with a diagnosis of cancer emotionally. Counselling can help you deal with those emotions and give you a chance to speak to someone who isn't a member of your family or a friend. 

Do speak to your specialist nurse there may be a counsellor at your hospital. 

Sex therapist

You may feel nervous about having sex after you have been diagnosed with vaginal cancer or have had treatment.

A sex therapist helps people with sexual problems they are going through. They are qualified counsellors, doctors or healthcare professionals who have done extra training in helping people with difficulties relating to sex. 

Local support services

There is usually other help available but services can vary from place to place.

Sometimes local voluntary groups offer sitting services. Someone comes to stay with you while your relative goes out.

Good neighbour schemes offer befriending or practical help with shopping or transport.

Local cancer support groups often offer practical help. And they are a good source of information about services in your area. Ask your doctor or nurse about local groups.

Towards the end of life

It’s natural to want to find out what is likely to happen in the last few weeks or days of life.

You might need to choose where you want to be looked after and who you want to care for you.