Shock and denial

Shock is often the first reaction when you are told you have cancer. You might:

• feel numb
• not believe what is happening
• be unable to express any emotion
• find that you can only take in small amounts of information
• need to have the same information repeated to you

Needing to have information repeated is a common reaction to shock. You just can’t take anything in at first.

Your disbelief may be so strong that you find it difficult to talk about your illness with your family and friends. Or you may find that you need to talk about it over and over again to help the news to sink in.

Denial

You might cope with the news of your cancer diagnosis by pretending it’s not happening. This may not be a conscious decision, but a gut reaction.

You might feel that you can’t think about it and find that you:

• don’t want to know anything about your cancer or treatment
• prefer to talk about it as little as possible or not at all

This is another completely natural reaction.

You can tell the people around you quite firmly that, for the time being, you don't want to talk about your illness if you feel this way.

Total denial

In extreme cases, denial can be unhelpful. Some people deny their cancer so firmly that they convince themselves that either they aren’t ill at all, or that their illness isn’t cancer.

You may need professional help from a psychologist or counsellor if this reaction starts to get in the way of your treatment or makes your overall situation even worse.

Other people being in denial

Sometimes you may find denial happens the other way round. You might need to talk about your cancer, but your family and friends may be the ones in denial. They might:

• try to dismiss the fact that you are ill
• seem to ignore the fact that you have cancer
• play down your anxieties and symptoms
• deliberately change the subject

People can react in this way because they are frightened of cancer themselves. They may be embarrassed by talking about it. Or they may be terrified that someone they love has a life threatening condition. If they don't talk about it, they can try to pretend it isn't happening.

But if you want their support, and to share how you feel with them, this behaviour may hurt or upset you. If you feel like this, try to:

• tell them how you feel
• reassure them that you know what is happening
• explain that talking to them about your illness will help you

Talking about your cancer

Talking about your situation really can help.

It might help you to talk to a counsellor if you would like to share your feelings with someone and you don’t feel able to talk to your friends and family.

More information

Maudsley Learning, part of the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust, has a set of cancer and mental wellbeing videos for people affected by cancer.

The videos have information and advice on what to do if a cancer diagnosis affects your mental health. They cover several topics, including breaking bad news, managing anxiety, common reactions to a diagnosis, and relationships.